Still so much to be thankful for

On Friday October 26th, our family woke up to what we thought was going to be a fun exciting day, that ended up turning into, quite possibly, the worst day of our lives.

What a way to start out a post, huh??? Well, unfortunately, I mean it. We were all rushing to get ready pretty early. Grama Debbi was on her way over to play with Brennar and Brilee, while Clint and I were going to our 12 week ultrasound for baby Stapp #3. Sounds pretty great.

Brennar and Grama Debbi painting - a fun distraction while we were trying to get out the door. 

Miss Brilee locked away in the high chair while Brennar paints.  Don't feel too bad for her, she got oreos at 8:30 in the morning:)

I have no idea how or why I took pictures of the kids while we were in such a mad rush to get out the door in time to get our appointment in Denver, but I did, and now I am really glad I did.

Anyways, on with my story.  I started getting sick almost from the day I found out I was pregnant - but early in the week I started feeling better, not all day long, but for longer parts of the day.  Well, that is completely unlike my other pregnancies, Brennar I was sick until at least 14 weeks and with Brilee it was close to 18.  I had mentioned it to my mom and she thought it was a little strange, too.

We made it to my doctors office and a little early.  We got into our ultrasound almost immediately.  Excuse my french, but the tech was a total bitch to us.  The only things she said to us before she told me to lay on the table was, "you know I can't tell you the sex, right??"  I wanted to say,  "you would know I have 2 other kids, so I do know that, which YOU would know if you had bothered to look at my chart before I walked in". But, we said yes, and I laid down. 

She typed in my due date and put the wand on my belly.  She took 1 picture, and asked my who my doctor was. I told her and she walked right out of the room.

And since this was my third pregnancy, I knew what to look for, and like any other pregnant lady would do, I looked for the heart beat during that one picture and it wasn't there.

I told Clint and immediately started crying hysterically.  About 5 minutes later, which felt like an eternity, in walks my doctor and the tech.  He didn't say anything besides how sorry he was. He didn't have to say anything else.  He talked to us for about 15 minutes about what probably happened, what our choices were, what to expect with whatever we choose, blah, blah, blah... I don't think either of us heard him. 


We went home, hugged our babies and tried to believe what we had just been told.  Long story short, we still don't. It feels like a nightmare we just can't wake up from.

I ended up having to have surgery to deliver the baby, because I was too far along and the baby was too big for me to miscarry on my own.  That was awful in and of itself, too.  I am just so thankful that I have the doctor I do.  I think that if it would have been any other doctor I would be much worse right now than I already am.

I think I really should have listened to my mommy intuition.  That week when I was feeling better, at first, I just thought, oh, this must be another boy when I was thinking girl.  And that morning when we woke up to go to the doctor something just didn't feel quite right.  I guess I just knew something was wrong.  There had actually been a few other things that happened in the weeks before this, conversations I had had, that looking back now, I think were preparing me for this. 

So, now it is just day to day.  My mom got to town the Saturday after we found out, so for that I am so grateful.  And my two beautiful kiddos have helped keep Clint and I so busy that we can't just sit and feel sorry for ourselves and for what happened to us.
The one thing that brings us peace is knowing that our baby is resting safely and peacefully in Jesus' arms, waiting for the day we can all be together, and knowing that she has an auntie and an uncle with her that love her just as much as we do.

I know this is not our typical post, but talking about and thinking about our precious baby helps us, so thank you for listening

And here are those beautiful babies

And for these two, We are so thankful!

Happy Halloween, Matey!!!

Arrggg!!! Happy Halloween!! We decided to be a pirate family this year. Brennar's costume was the cutest one I saw the entire night, I just loved it.  He thought it was pretty cool, too, especially that parrot on his shoulder.  Aptly named Scully - from his favorite pirate show:)

And the pirate princess was pretty darn cute, too.  She wouldn't keep her hat on, so I decided to try a headband instead, that lasted about 2 houses, oh well, I think people knew what she was without them

Are they not the cutest little scallywags you ever saw!!!

One of my very favorite pictures of Brennar to date!!

Pumpkin Patch: Round 2

We found another pumpkin patch this year, it was completely different then the other one we went to. It was a lot of fun, too!!

This one had all the cars from the movie Cars, it was super neat.

First stop: Lightning McQueen

Next up: Tow Mater

And what's a pumpkin patch with out a monster truck??

This was a gaint bouncy castle that was built into the ground, it was really cool, but I think Brennar was a little too small for it, he got bounced pretty hard by the bigger kids on it

Inside a UFO!!! A.k.a. the octopod if you are Octonaut fans like he is:)

Miss Brilee posing

And inside a few miltary planes...those are usually at pumpkin patches, too, right??

Brennar made it inside the petty zoo, Brilee didn't, and that was for the animals sake, not hers!!

Mommy and the kiddos on a giant chair

And Brennar in the gaint shoe

The coolest part, a talking pirate, right up Brennar's alley

"I want my picture with the mouse, mommy" mouse, chipmuck, same difference

Another great family outing sure to be done next year!!

Pumpkin Patch: Round 1

Just like last year, we took the kids to a pumpkin patch.  And, also, just like last year, we all had a blast!

When we drove in there were about 5 school buses, luckily it is so big we felt like we were the only ones there.  Brennar decided he needed his picture taken with one of them:) But, it was "too bright, too bright"  

Me and my little man!

This clearly isn't to scale because Brennar is about 40"

Brilee and Brennar checking out the animals, this was as close as we could get unfortunately

The "corn" maze for little kiddos - daddy couldn't catch up

Tire playground, it was a big hit with Brennar

And the giant spider web went over pretty good, too

I thought this was really cool, Brennar was super excited to ride it, but one ride was good enough, it was just to bumpy

Mommy and Daddy got a good workout while we were there

The little princess getting ready for a tractor ride

And finally, the pumpkin patch, (I can't figure out how to get these side by side) But, the left is last year and the right is this year - makes me realize just how much he has grown up this year

Daddy and 2 pumpkins:)

Brennar resting while deciding which pumpkin would be best

And the winners!! Have you ever seen anything as cute as a 2 year old pulling a wagon full of pumpkins??? Didn't think so!!!